The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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