I showed him my bush... on skype.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
