Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
