Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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