I can text with my tongue
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
