I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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