he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well I just put wine in my tea
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
