Banned from zoo.
Again?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
