Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
