Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
