You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
