Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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