There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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