I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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