Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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