Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
