Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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