I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
