She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
