Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
