weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
