meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
