You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
