HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
