Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
