it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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