you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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