oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
