im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
