just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
