just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You need a sexual gate keeper
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
