Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
