I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
