moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
