I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
