I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
