I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
