i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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