ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
