did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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