his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
