He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
handjob tips. give me some.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
