part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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