i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My feet surprised me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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