cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
