I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
