is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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