They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
