i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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