I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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