i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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