did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
