i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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