I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
